My Writing Journey

Fear of Forgiveness by Rachael Ritchey

Have you read this short story before? There aren’t any flowers in it for January’s #BlogBattle, but I did enjoy writing this.

Don’t be afraid to forgive yourself. It’s really hard to move forward in life when we live in our pasts.

I came for the soup...

A hard flick to my hat brim detonated a
cloud of dust into the sweltering, stagnant air, and I hated how the subtle
imagery matched the powder keg of dread ready to bust my chest open. Selena
coughed and punched my hip. I cringed. No doubt she was glaring at me, too, but
I shrugged it off and stepped forward, jamming the Stetson back on my sweaty
head.

“Go get ’em, tiger!” she said.

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the
reluctant smile, even if it didn’t last long. Did I deserve a second chance?
Hell no, but Selena convinced me to give it a shot, and I wasn’t going to let
her down.

She kept insisting what happened wasn’t
my fault, but every time I looked at her, crippled and trapped in that godawful
wheelchair, I couldn’t shake the guilt. If only I could take back what happened

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4 thoughts on “Fear of Forgiveness by Rachael Ritchey”

  1. I read somewhere, a long time ago, that it is impossible to forgive oneself. I still haven’t figured out how that is meant to work but there has to be a way. Changing one’s lifestyle might be one way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As a Christian, I struggle with self-forgiveness, but I also have learned what it means to repent. That’s a lot like a lifestyle change… Because of who Jesus is and what he did that I couldn’t do, I am forgiven. When those I’ve wronged can forgive me, I can rest in the knowledge that we will both heal. And I often think about the fact that Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with all my heart, soul, strength, and the second is to love my neighbor as myself. It’s hard to love oneself when we hold onto our sins and mistakes. If we can’t turn from our mistakes–change the lifestyle–and not dwell on the past, then we have a hard time loving those around us. It’s better to learn from the past and move forward than dwell on what cannot be changed but what can be avoided in the future. Ultimately, I don’t think we forgive ourselves. But maybe we humans try to hold onto our guilt for some reason, and we fear the forgiveness of those we might have wronged (intentionally or not)…?

      Like

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