Rachael Ritchey

Log Lines, What a Chore!

The Beauty Thief NEW web cover 3So, I’ve written a screenplay for The Beauty Thief, y’all!

And in honor of this new format for my beloved tale of love, chivalry, adventure and devotion, I have decided to once again tackle the log line for the story!

I have three here that I’d love your input on.

OR if you’re as daring as my prince, you might want to try your hand at making one of these even better.

OR maybe you have read The Beauty Thief and you have an idea for a great log line?

Oh my! The journey is always a thrill. Thanks for taking it with me.

  1. When a radiant princess’s beauty is stolen by an ancient thief, her betrothed, a daring and valorous prince, must choose to risk life and kingdom to break the curse before her fate is sealed forever.
  2. A virtuous princess’s beauty is stolen by an ancient thief on the eve of her wedding to the daring high prince who will risk life and kingdom to break the curse before her fate is sealed.
  3. A daring prince faces every obstacle and trial imaginable, risking [everything] to rescue his innocent bride’s pure heart from an ancient thief whose obsession with eternal life has grown insatiable.  (in place of “everything” could also go “…life and kingdom,”)
Dare I mention which is my favorite? I just know that as a writer, when I’m open to feedback and criticism I can be so much better.

 

23 responses to “Log Lines, What a Chore!”

  1. Woebegone but Hopeful Avatar
    Woebegone but Hopeful

    I’m going with ‘3’ and tip my allegorical hat to you for all your amazing work.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
      Rachael Ritchey

      thanks, Roger. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. E. E. Rawls Avatar
    E. E. Rawls

    I actually like Darleen’s suggestion of beginning by talking about the ancient evil beauty thief. It’s intense and grabs attention right away, which is what you want in order to hook a reader. From there it can lead into Caitlyn and her predicament.
    I know a lot of people suggested #3, but the Beauty Thief focuses on Caitlyn and her character growth. She is the star of the book and I loved her for it. But 3 makes it feel like the story is about the prince rescuing her.
    These are just my thoughts, though. I hope it’s of some help. Log lines are such a pain to write sometimes! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
      Rachael Ritchey

      Thanks for the input, E! Much appreciated. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Sarah Brentyn Avatar
    Sarah Brentyn

    I like #3 with Richard’s suggestion. Very nice. And exactly how are you finding the time to do all of these marvelous things? You’re a wonder!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
      Rachael Ritchey

      I sneak them in when I should be sleeping, cleaning, or excercising…three things that have greatly suffered (to the detriment of my health and household), so I don’t recommend it! 😛

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Sarah Brentyn Avatar
        Sarah Brentyn

        I hear you. *sigh* Eating, sleeping, cleaning… Like I’ve said, we’re only human (and we only have a certain amount of “free” time a day).

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
          Rachael Ritchey

          too true. And that certain amount of freetime has my preteen son throwing a toddler fit in his room right now because he has to read a book chapter, write 2-3 sentences about the chapter and do one small chore to earn an hour of videogame time. Seriously, you’d think we asked him to build a rocket…

          Liked by 2 people

          Reply
          1. Sarah Brentyn Avatar
            Sarah Brentyn

            You. Are. Not. Alone.

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
              Rachael Ritchey

              :’D

              Liked by 1 person

          2. Woebegone but Hopeful Avatar
            Woebegone but Hopeful

            Oooh that takes me back a bit.

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
  4. Susan Hughes Avatar
    Susan Hughes

    I’m a fan of #3 with a bit of tweaking. But I’ll leave that up to you.♥

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
      Rachael Ritchey

      Oh my goodness! Any tweaking advice would be appreciated, Susan. You have such a sharp mind for these things. ❤

      Like

      Reply
  5. Darlene Avatar
    Darlene

    How about this: An ancient thief, obsessed with eternal life, steals the beauty of a virtuous princess on the eve of her wedding to the daring high prince who risks life and kingdom to break the curse before her fate is sealed. or

    Obsessed with eternal life, an ancient thief steals the beauty of a virtuous princess on the eve of her wedding to the daring high prince who risks life and kingdom to break the curse before her fate is sealed.

    Just a couple of suggestions!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
      Rachael Ritchey

      Love them both Darlene. It’s so hard to know what’s going to be the most exciting and interesting. Do you think the mentioning the antagonist before either protagonist is a better way to go? I mean, the plot does center around what he has done, so I have leaned that way too, it’s just not something I’ve seen very much of in log lines, so I’m curious!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Darlene Avatar
        Darlene

        I think it makes it more compelling. It’s kind of like mentioning the problem first. But maybe that’s just me. I find creating loglines difficult too. Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
          Rachael Ritchey

          I have to admit that all my original tries did mention the antagonist first. haha I like the way you think!

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  6. Richard Ankers Avatar
    Richard Ankers

    Number 3. Possibly replace this ‘whose obsession with eternal life has grown insatiable’ with ‘obsessed with eternal life’ short and snappy. Just a thought.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
      Rachael Ritchey

      That’s a great change, Richard. Thanks for that. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Richard Ankers Avatar
        Richard Ankers

        Only a suggestion. I hope it helps. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
          Rachael Ritchey

          I appreciate it. I am calling it a meeting of minds where there are better minds than mine! ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          1. Richard Ankers Avatar
            Richard Ankers

            Geez, don’t include me in that! I can’t handle the pressure. 😳😬

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
            1. Rachael Ritchey Avatar
              Rachael Ritchey

              No pressure. Seriously, I’m a dunce. It probably doesn’t take much to meet that level. hahahaha

              Liked by 1 person

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