Mad Mona’s Monkey Business #BlogBattle “Spaghetti”

Click here for a previous Mad Mona, Monarch of Madonia story.


#BlogBattle Week 16: Spaghetti

Monarch of Madonia: Mad Mona’s Monkey Business


I’m not even sure how we ended up here. Majesty Mona actually had what one could consider a lucid day yesterday, and I was hoping for a repeat today, but it was too much to ask.

So now we sit at the International Spaghetti Eating Contest amidst a crowd of ravenous noodle-ists. Who knew there was such a thing? Mad Mona–excuse me–Her Royalness found out from somewhere. Whoever is to blame for this, I shall never know nor forgive.

The sea of people wearing red and white checks in whatever fashion they choose is enough to make my eyes pop out of my head. Her Queenliness insisted we wear the traditional contest colors as well, so I find myself wearing a makeshift cape she designed. It’s a table-cloth from her favorite Italian restaurant. Call it what you will. She says it’s quite dashing.

“Doyle, look over there!” Majesty Mona says in a stage whisper. “It’s Duchess Dragona.” The way she drags out the ‘o’ in the duchess’ name gets a little old after the two-hundredth time, but I only give it an eye-roll of attention.

“Yes, Majesty. I see her.”

“Oh, Doyle, we cannot let her beat me! I must be named the winner of the spaghetti consuming contest. Quickly, tie my apron on tight. It musn’t be allowed to get in the way of my eating endeavor.”

I move to tie the strings of her matching checked apron, complete with Majesty Mona logo on the front. The strings barely touch in the back, and I try not to make a scene while I match the two ends together in a little knot.

“My goodness, but I think my apron has shrunk. Did you wash it, Doyle?”

“I don’t do the laundry, Majesty.”

“Knit-wit. I know that, but as far as I know you’re the only one who’s touched my apron other than me, and I certainly didn’t shrink it.”

“I only bought it this morning, Your Supreme Spaghettiness.”

“I like that name. Yes, it’s perfect for the day. Do announce me as such when the contest begins, Doyle.”

There is only one announcer, Majesty.”

“I’m queen, Doyle.”

“Yes, Majesty.”

There’s not much I can do. She is, in fact, the queen of Madonia, but we are now in our neighboring country of Pastarea where her powers of persuasion have no bearing other than with me. And sometimes I wonder why I don’t move to Pastarea.

A long table stands at the front of the astonishingly large crowd. I follow my monarch to the front, zigzagging like wet noodles amongst the pasta partisans. Each seat is marked with the name of the participant.

“Oh dear me! I cannot sit next to Rutherford Hanover. Move him, Doyle,” she orders me in disgust. “He smells of sea scallops on a hot day. I’ll lose my lunch!”

“I cannot move–”

“Doyle,” Mad Mona says in warning.

“Yes, Majesty.” I quickly shift the chairs over by three to put a buffer between and Her Majesty seems satisfied, but the look the officiating judges give me is not one I care to endure.

“Oh, Mona, cousin deary!” Duchess Dragona calls from down the table, complete with a floppy hand wave in our direction. She tip-toes on fat little feet down the makeshift stage, and the two ladies kiss the air on either side of the other’s puffy cheeks.

I can see Her Majesty is on the verge of losing the little sanity she has left today. How to step in? How to avoid the–

“Drag! You ol’ fire-breather! You’re going down in flames today. I shall roast you with my saucetastic superior spaghetti shenanigans.”

Mad Mona’s eye brows do a little dance. I roll my eyes again, too late to interrupt the side-show.

“Well, I never!”

“That’s all you’ve got, cousin dear?”

Duchess Dragona walks away in a huff, and I’m just relieved there was no bloodshed. “It’s time to take a seat, Majesty.”

“Doyle, I’d rather stand. Now, do announce me.”  Her Majesty straightens her chef’s hat and slaps the back of my gray head for good measure. I’ve grown a callous on that spot.

The crowd is still chit-chatting, out of their seats and wandering the room, but I begin anyway. “Announcing her Supreme Spaghettiness, Majesty Mona of Madonia!” Not a one person turns to acknowledge the announcement.

“Doyle, why do I bring you anywhere?”

“Good question,” I mumble under my breath.

Before I know what’s happening, she’s up on the table, holding a plate of spaghetti above her head. I reach out in a useless attempt to stop her, but before I can even catch a breath she’s tossed the plate into the middle of the room, splattering spaghetti all over some audience members. There’s quite a gasp and then silence as every head turns to stare at the mad monarch of Madonia, towering tall on the table.

“Much better. Now you may announce me, Doyle.”

I stare right along with the crowd, unable to formulate a reply.

“Doyle, wake up!”

After a bit of a sigh and doing my best to ignore the deep red heat of my cheeks I turn and announce her majesty once again. I can feel the anger and annoyance, but my queen beams with such pride in her red and white checkered apron, I just can’t interrupt her happiness.

If only we were all mad.

35 responses to “Mad Mona’s Monkey Business #BlogBattle “Spaghetti””

  1. […] I love Mad Mona. She’s just crazy enough to be fun. Last time I wrote about her she was in a spaghetti eating contest. Today she’s got some issues with her favorite royal robe. Here’s some flash fiction […]

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  2. […] Click here for more from Mad Mona in Mad Mona’s Monkey Business […]

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  3. I really really liked this! Even though I’m missing Grecca this week, too.
    Good lines in here: “Your Supreme Spaghettiness.”
    “She tip-toes on fat little feet down the makeshift stage, and the two ladies kiss the air on either side of the other’s puffy cheeks.” 😀 Oh my, love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If I move to Pastarea, all of my clothes would shrink too…lol

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Excuse the pun. This post is delicious! 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I always adore a pun! 🙂

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  6. phoenixgrey85 Avatar

    Hehe, Mad Mona is back. 😀 Love the supreme spaghettiness line. Brilliant. And te last line, if only we were all mad… life would be a lot less stressful and more fun I think. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Doyle is so loyal…didn’t mean to make a rhyme 😛 I wonder if he will ever leave Mad Mona lol. I really liked reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Doyle leave? Never! Your rhyme is right on the money. 😉 thanks, Candice! PS “No more rhyming! I mean it!” “Does anybody want a peanut?” 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😀 “The Princess Bride” one of my all time favorite movies. Good one! I remember when it premiered on television all those years ago.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Great movie, great book!

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  8. Very good! It’s amazing how many different stories can be made out of spaghetti!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s why we pick these totally random words every week! It’s fun to see what people come up with! haha 🙂 I’m so glad you joined in.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Rachael. I enjoyed taking part. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. good! Next week’s word is a verb: Drop. 🙂 maybe you’ll get an itch to keep at this battle fun. 🙂

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  9. “Good question,” I mumble under my breath.
    I actually say this at least once a week. 🙂
    Actually… WordofTheDay.

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    1. Haha! The best part, I could totally picture you as Doyle. 😀

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  10. Y’all need a disclaimer. Do not read this while drinking a coke, because your nostrils are aimed at the keyboard.

    Good one, Rachael!!!

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    1. Aww shucks! Thanks, Andrew! Doyle and Majesty Mona are quite a pair. I was thinking they were probably funnier in my head than in words on the screen. I’m glad you got a laugh out of it!

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  11. Loved it! Favourite line ‘your supreme spaghettness’ – amazing!!!!

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    1. You’re funny. 🙂 many thanks. I like Mad Mona, but Doyle. He’s great. I wish I could better pull of his dry sense of humor.

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      1. I do like Doyle too, good job IBFF

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      2. The dry humour’s really good…as long as no one’s drinking a coke.

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        1. Haha! Thanks, Andrew. Must remember: no coke whilst reading about Mad Mona

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      3. Doyle should spend a day with Madnes. He’ll get an arsenal of dry humor for when he faces Mad Mona. 😉

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        1. Shouldn’t it be funny to get them all together some time! 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

            1. Oops. Gotta slow down with the phone typing. Too many auto correct typos. I’m glad you agree! 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

            2. Haha, the assault of the typos, is it? 😀

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